IMH JCI Posters are up!

Remember the JCI posters which I did for IMH? Well its printed and up all over the hospital clinic and staff areas!

Face on Life

I seriously got no idea what to name this post.

Last week Kenny Leck, the Sibei Zai Ah Beng Tow Kay (The Super Awesome Gangster Boss) of BooksActually aka my boss and publisher. Told me to expect a phone interview from someone from The Straits Time regarding my upcoming comic book "The Adventures of Fatman & Superchub."

I was pretty nervous at first but the interview went well, actually too well. The journalist asked if I could go down to their HQ to have my photo taken.
Yikes! Things seems to be moving pretty fast because Fatman & Superchub is currently still WIP and would only be published around May/June this year.

But on Tuesday, 25th Feb 2014 I got my face printed in The Straits Time, Life section.

The day of the shoot was hilarious, I kind of regret for not wearing my bunny hat. I also look kinda weird in the picture because it was so sunny and glaring that my eyes shrunk haha ._.
Gene on the other hand was hilarious! He brought along two puppets, wore his Davey Crocket Hat and did many funny kung fu like poses.

Last but not least, here is a photo of me, Gene and Kenny.

Sharing Session at ITE College West

Last Friday, I was invited to give a short talk at ITE College West to a class of 40+ students. Mdm Fahimah, my ex lecturer was the one who invited me, she would like me to somehow motivate her  new class of students to perhaps take up National Youth Achievement Award (NYAA) or perhaps strive for the Lee Kwan Yew Scholarship too.

I guess it's nice to help motivate students, but then again I had mixed feelings about it. Sure it was the time of my life but I'm not exactly sure if I was 'happy' with who I was 4 years ago. Stephanie the motivated perfectionist, the high achiever. Then it became Stephanie the girl who fell, and boy she did fall hard.
Now I am Stephanie, the girl who fell but picked herself up again.. the girl who evolved and she did it with that same MOTIVATION (mind you).

So I decided, I shouldn't be motivating people to be who I was last time, I should encourage them to be who I am now. Motivated and doing what you love, not for anyone but for yourself.

I also understand that some of them might have some emotional issues, so I decided to share abit of my Journey too and introduce them to CHAT hub - a platform for youths with mental health issues.

Then came the troublesome part. I need to create slides to engage the students, as a student myself I know how short the attention span can get. Also because I'm a visual person, I hate wordy stuffs.
So after much thinking this is what my slides look like.

I end up drawing on almost all the slides lol.

The next morning I travelled from my home in Pasir Ris to Chua Chu Kang. Yes, ITE College West is in Chua Chu Kang if you didn't know.

So there I was, talking about my experiences, sharing with them about the goals I hope to achieve in future and trying to tell them to do what they love and not stress out.
They were really nice, enthusiastic and quite hyper. They would interrupt me and ask silly questions!
I think the weirdest question I got that day was "How did you try to kill yourself?"
Hahaha, after the sharing I had coffee with Mdm Fahimah, Mr Aaron the Course Manager and Dr Eric Cheung the Director. It was really nice to catch up with them again and I hope to go back again soon..

omg I still have an old photo of them.

Left to Right

OK, back to work. I actually took a short break from working on my assignments to blog about this.

Launch of JCI Patient Care Posters

This afternoon, I was invited by IMH to speak during the launch of the JCI posters. I illustrated a series of 5 posters to help the staff understand how me/we as the patient value their services and hope to encourage them to keep up the good work! (Or rather that is how i depict it)

The funny thing is, I was advised by the Medical Affairs dept to talk about my experiences while illustrating the poster and share about how I hope their staff can improve (or something like that). Which I never need in the end. This actually got me to note down what to say and I kept trying to recite what to say the whole morning. I was reciting what to say out loud in public while walking to IMH and I attracted a couple of stares.. there was this man who kept turning back to look at me as we were walking hahahaha, now that look back and think about it, I think it's hilarious.

In the lecture hall, Dr Chua the CEO of IMH was presenting and I thought to myself "wah, he is such a natural when it comes to public speaking." I want to be like that too.. The more I think about what I'm going to say and what if I forget, the more I felt nervous and the lower I sunk into my chair.

He was talking about their plans to improve the hospital facilities and patient care services etc. Then there was one part where he touched on the stigma and letting people who are suffering know what help is available. I think that part is very important? Because base on my experiences I didn't know I was suffering from depression for so long till it got really bad. And trust me, you can shout for help all you want but nobody is going to take you seriously. I also want to raise awareness to the younger demographic. :(

Ok back to the topic. I forgot what to say the moment I stood in front of the rostrum, but for some magical reason (this always happen, mind you) I spoke naturally. I was perfectly fine and spoke confidently, which is good!
Maybe I should thank my ITE days for all the public speaking opportunities and training.

So here are the posters!

I'm really honoured to be given this opportunity to illustrate for them! It was a great experience for me, and awesome for my portfolio! A big thank you to Pui Yee and team for generating the message and helping me in the process :D

Here are the photos which I took with the CEO Dr Chua and my psychiatrist Dr Alex Su.

Want to hear a joke?
After uploading the photo of Dr Alex on facebook, I got alot of my facebook friends commenting that "Hey it's the singing doctor!" and I was like "what singing doctor?"
Apparently he took part in some talent competition back in the 90s when I was still a baby, and the number of friends I have who recognised him is just freaky.
It's freaky because he is the Doctor who takes his job seriously, never smile AT ALL (thats not really a smile in the above pic right?) and never crack any lame jokes to me :(
So yeah.. I think he takes his job very seriously, or maybe I'm too negative and emo everytime I see him thats why.. hahaha. Shit, I wonder if he is active online and happen to me reading this..... ._.

Anyway today is a happy day!
And this Friday I am invited to go back to ITE College West by my former lecturer to share my experiences with her class. I've shared my experiences with many individuals before, but never to a class (and I was told they are very enthusiastic) so I am excited.
I also foresee that I will be all nervous again because I still got no clue on what to share with them.
But this time I will prepare slides.

Oh and Like my facebook page if you want to follow my illustrated/illustration journeys.
www.facebook.com/muffinsaurs

Lunar New Year

Fatman & Superchub ushering in the Lunar New Year! Of course lemon wants to be a part of it. 

Frankly speaking, I never enjoyed such occasions. To make it more less enjoyable, I was loaded with school assignments and freelance work on hand. Meaning, I have to work over the holidays *sad*

On the eve of chinese new year, I went to grandmumsy place for reunion dinner. I brought my macbook with me but found out that I couldn't get any work done because there was just no space to do so there. There were adults watching TV and gossiping in the living room, 3 pots of steamboat brewing and kids  in the room... basically kids everywhere.

So I kept my macbook and took my notebook out to sketch instead. Was working on a new character for my Fatman & Superchub series, a villain role or the exact opposite of them.

Sitting in one corner of the sofa and sketching away apparently caught the attention of one of my aunt. 

"Hey, my daughter is just like you. She love to draw and is always seen drawing stuff on her sketckbook. She brings it everywhere she goes, in fact she is hugging it now."

I nodded and told her its great that her daughter has a hobby for art. But then she said:

"She told me to buy her art materials, some special type of stationaries, why can't she just use normal ones? She even use up her sketchbook so fast and kept telling me to buy new ones for her. But I see her drawings like... um..."

She hesitated. Seems rather clear that she doesn't appreciate her daughter's artwork. But then she added:

"Looking at her reminds me of you. Both exactly the same. She like to draw so much, but my husband kept advising her not to follow this path, no good! In the future because drawing cannot earn money. Right? Right?"

er ouch? Okay......... -_-

"Well it depends on how good she is, and which path she wants to go. There are many artistic route, you can't stop her if she is interested. Just let her decide what she want to do on her own." 

she is obviously trying to tell me indirectly that she doesn't want her daughter to follow in the same footsteps as me, and to agree with her that I can't go far in life as an artist. She even said that her daughter is 'doing very well in her studies' thats why they are encouraging her to study something that can earn more instead of going towards the path of the barely earning enough to survive artist.

Seriously I think it's pretty fucked up for her to be telling this in my face. If you ask me if being a artist advisable, I'd say No. Unless you got the passion and the love what you do. I believe passion is a very important factor, if you don't love what you do.. you are going to live a miserable life.

She could easily ask me if this career path is advisable instead of telling me all the (in your face) crap about not being able to earn much and fearing your daughter going going this path while reminding me constantly that we are similar. 

I know.. I know.. I am a bad example for your daughter. 

You have to state "She studied very well." because unlike her I am a failure. I never did well in my studies, I went to ITE, I wasted alot of my precious time (years in fact). But being able to draw is a 'talent' and requires alot of passion. It's not a career path which only "people like me who can't study" take. 

Seriously woman. One day, I will make it. I will be successful and you guys will go 'woah'

-_-

#NowYouKnowWhyIHateCNY

In the end, I went to my cousin and told her "Don't listen to your parents, do what you love and follow your dreams."

Okay so to end this rather unhappy post, I'm posting some pictures.

Below is with Sister Maria Riva, whom I visited at St. Joseph Old Folks Home. She is a catholic nun who taught me catechism when I was 7. Oh how time flies~

She is going to be 81years old this year, still healthy and strong but her legs are getting weak so she rides a scooter around the home! 

Finally I'm going end with a selfie which I took this morning in school. Yes, I went to school on a Sunday and the 3rd day of the lunar new year. This just shows how much work I have pending on hand.

I'm getting pretty exhausted from all the pending work, I hope I don't stress myself out.
Or rather I don't think I would, because after all I enjoy what I am doing..

Comic Mayhem

I was invited to participate in 'Comic Mayhem' last Saturday afternoon. It was organised by inTheMatchbox by NAC.

It was quite an experience for me because I initially thought that I was it was a small scale event where like minded artists would gather, mingle around and talk about our works. But when I got there I was told that I would need to speak to a mic in front of some 60-70 people.

Obviously I freaked out a little. Didn't freak out so much because I've had experience reading out speeches for formal events back during ITE days. Its all about confidence and projecting your voice.
What I freaked out about was the lack of planning. I got no idea what to say to them!
Furthermore, those attending Comics Mayhem that afternoon were mostly experienced artists.
Compared to them, my work is shit and I wondered why the hell would they want to pay attention to this crappy student and her noob work.

*SO MUCH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS*

Then I suddenly remember what my psychologist told me, 'Tune down the negativity, what is the worst that could happen?'

So I manage to calm myself down and just be myself in front of them. "Pretend you are presenting to alot of penguins."

Yay! 

I also met new friends at the event, Gene & Wayne whom I found out later that day; would be my partners in crime for a super secret / super big / super super / super yet to be planned / super happening event coming soon this super September. :x

In the meantime, do click on the below link and *LIKE* DANGER GENE!

https://www.facebook.com/DangerGene

Super Eggcited :D

A Long Hiatus

I just realised that it's been months since I last blogged! I apologise for the long hiatus.

Had since finished my internship with Splash last year and went back to school. A lot had happened over a span of almost 4 months! I started my own etsy store NGEW where I sold my handmade crafts and poster prints. I even participated in the Maad flea in December and made alot of sales! (must be the christmas season) But due to school and pending freelance projects on hand, I couldnt further develop NGEW and come up with new designs. I have some new design ideas which I hope to find time to execute during my free time. Currently I still have some sales but it's moving very very slowly ._.

Another *BIG* thing which happened during the past 4 months, was my development of a new comic strip called 'The Adventures of Fatman & Superchub'
They are actually a parody of Batman & Superman. I was actually getting sick of how super heros are illustrated as macho muscle men and sexy women with not a single ounce of belly fat.
Maybe the idea came when I was subconsciously insulting myself for putting on weight since depression and also subconsciously telling myself I look fine now...

Anyway I was drawing for fun when Kenny from Books Actually noticed them on my facebook page and said 'I want to publish them.'
Obviously I didn't take him seriously at first because the low self esteemed Muffin would say 'Meh, your work is shit.' BUT HE WAS SERIOUS! And I was like wondering 'Are you serious about your job? Who the hell wound wanna publish this crap?'
Yes Kenny if you are ever reading this, feel free to punch me. In fact you can punch me and throw me towards Cake and let him swipe me in the face if the actually succeeds. HAHAHA

Anyway, Fatman & Superchub book will be out this year, and I've joined forces with a team of wizards  (and witches) to brew something BIG for you guys this September. Muahahaha.
Meanwhile you can check out my sketches of Fatman & Superchub's adventures and keep up to date with my work on my new facebook page

www.facebook.com/muffinsaurs

Sometimes I will also draw random sketches of my own adventures.

Did some interesting projects and assignments the past 4 months too. Will blog about it when it's ready :)

A Private Party

Been pretty busy lately, I started my internship 6 weeks ago at Splash Productions Pte Ltd.

Me and my friend got this opportunity by Splash to illustrate a limited edition mid-autumn themed tumbler for Artease Cafe. Mid-Autumn festival is around the corner and they wanted to introduce their new mango pomelo drink, so our illustration would actually compliment the season! 

So I came up with an illustration based on my own version of Chang'e and mid-autumn/lantern festival. 

A Private party
The moon is at its roundest during Mid-Autumn Festival, as people prepare to celebrate this harvest festival. Up on the moon, Chang’e didn’t want to miss this occasion. So the Jade Rabbit gathered its friends to help prepare a private party above the clouds, complete with mooncakes, pomelo and tea. Some of them even lit lanterns to light up the occasion. As this festival dates back to Ancient China, I decided to give my illustration an Asian touch with an added twist to the legend of Chang’e. I illustrated Chang’e to look child-like, so as to remind us of how we used to light lanterns and eat mooncakes and have fun without any worries back when we were younger. 


Tumblers have been printed and is on sale at all Artease Cafe in Singapore now. Do drop by and show your support by getting one. (I have yet to collect mine, can't wait to get my hands on it)

You can check out Artease Facebook page here! https://www.facebook.com/ArteaseCafe

Burst the Silence

My apology for keeping quiet these past few weeks. I had been really busy with school assignments and dealing with slight relapse.
Lots of things happened recently which got me into a low mood and I had to see a doctor for medications to ease my anxiety. My mood is still a little lower than usual as of now, but it is still manageable. I just need to stay away from negative people and thoughts that could trigger me into sinking.

Meanwhile, I wanted to share with you this campaign which I was invited to write for a couple of weeks back. 'Burst The Silence' is a campaign that hoped to reduce mental health stigma here in Singapore!

http://burstthesilence.tumblr.com/post/54305219334/stephanie-raphaela-ho-design-student-and-aspiring#notes

People who wishes to step out and share their experiences are welcomed to write in, so can others who had experience with friends or family members who suffered from any mental illness!

Do email chat@youthinmind.sg

Alternatively if you are suffering/suspect that you are suffering from some form of mental illness and had not seek help. You can check out ChatHub @Scape

They offer free assessment to Youths. Do check out their website for more info
http://www.youthinmind.sg/about-chat/

Values Reflection

The school wanted me to write a 500word 'Values Reflection' so these are what I wrote. 
Of course there are many other factors which contributed to my depression such as trauma which was totally irrelevant to write for school. So here is my boring value reflection, if you consider it 'values' at the end.. lol

 

2010

2013

When I first got into TP I was very motivated. I had just graduated from ITE with an award that would fully pay for my poly school fees, I couldn't ask for more. I felt that my life was perfect and I was at the top of the world, I became very obsessed with crafting the perfect life. The perfect girl, the perfect Stephanie.
I would come to school on time, give my best into school work and submit my work on time. Lack of sleep was a common thing when you a design student. But I didn't mind, as long as I enjoy what I am doing. Then I start to give up other things in life which i enjoyed to focus on school like gaming and dancing to focus on doing well. But it was never ever good enough. I was never satisfied with what I had produced and often bring myself down and feel like an utter failure.
One of my biggest fear is writing, be it report or research for a communication module. I fear because I belittle myself and felt that my written english is poor compared to the others. I couldn't write like them, I am just a normal technical student who took foundation english and wrote short compositions. They are O levels express students who Ace their english and had written essays after essays. Reports are 'chicken feet' to them and boy did I struggle to write something perfect, to come up with a perfect phrase like them. But no, I couldn't.
I was a failure, the others are better than me, my work is crap. I will never be that perfect person whom i tried so hard to become.

So I fell into major depression. Life didn't seem to make much sense, why do i work so hard for? Who am I trying to prove to? My mother? My relatives? Do they even appreciate all the hard work and effort that I had put into my work and get to where I am today? Just who am I? The mask of sanity which I wore everyday slipped off slowly leaving a trial of confusion, making me sick inside.
I have failed myself and everyone around me, I had never felt so miserable in my life. I got really ill and fantasized about death daily. Like a drug addict I would poison my own mind with negative thoughts.

I had to take time off school for a year to sort out my mind and recover from my illness. I started to ponder if design is something which I really want to do, or was it all just an act? A play which i rehearsed every night before the start of a new day?
For more than a year, I held on to the thoughts of dropping out of poly. I didn't want to quit halfway because I worked so hard to get to where I was today. And I was glad I make that decision to hold on and not give up and to recover.

Here I am today, back in school for a year since the long break. I got into illustration major and met new friends. I still give my best when working on an assignment, but this time I am more calm and confident. I constantly remind myself that I had given my best and it is enough. There is no need to compare nor criticize my work because nothing in the world is perfect.

This is suppose to be a values reflection, I got no idea what values I have learned through this 3 years in school. But after a whole year of trying to drug myself to death, I believe the only value I learned is to value life and to do what you love. Never stop believing in yourself and believe that you can do it. One day, you will achieve your dream.